Last Night I Cried…

Not ready to head home from a life-changing trip around the world.

Last night I cried.

For a person who is quite synonymous with tears, I think my track record over these last many months has been pretty good. There have been only a few crying moments on this trip.

Apart from tears of joy.

We knew at the beginning of this adventure that it would change all of us one way or another. Shifted perspectives, maturity/growth in the kids, a deeper understanding of how our world works.

What we didn’t know was exactly how or when we would start to notice that change. If I am being honest, I kept searching for it in the beginning months. I was waiting to be enlightened. Waiting to “feel” different or suddenly have that moment of clarity of where our life would lead. I thought FOR SURE it would be revealed as I sat on the beach and gazed out at the sunset.

Admittedly, I MIGHT be a bit of a hopeless romantic.

The truth is, it didn’t quite happen like that.

What happened instead was the realization that we actually had to go THROUGH this entire journey before we could figure out what it was all about.

Along the way I had the deepest desire to write. To share the experiences we have had with you at home. Hopefully as a source of encouragement, inspiration or to satisfy that travel bug for you in the midst of those bleary winter months. I wanted to write countless tips & travel hacks that we have learned along the way. And post more videos. And pictures.

And we will. Just not yet.

You see one of the biggest a-ha’s we have had on this trip is the difference when we are fully and totally present. We are practicing mindfulness in the moments and with that comes a delay of sharing all the things. I felt guilty for awhile, for not sharing enough. Now? Now I’m good because I believe BEING PRESENT is a big part of our story.

The real reason I started crying last night is because we started planning on when we were going to come home.

Granted, it is almost exactly to the day from our third version of our adventure timeline (initially we were going for 3 months, then 6 months and now it will be closer to 9 months). But we actually started talking and PLANNING how we were going to get home. Yuck.

Our kids (actually, our whole family) have thrived in this choice.

We are healthier. An easy task when your daily dose of Vitamin D goes from the trip between house and car to the entire day outside.

We are happier. Again, when your daily activity surrounds physical activity, laughter and exploration, life feels all together simpler. To watch our kids try new things, to be adventurous, to overcome their fears? God! That makes me happiest of all.

Most importantly, we are so much more connected that we ever could have asked for. Can I say (without judgement) that I believe I love both my kids and my husband more or maybe deeper?

Having had the chance to spend so much quality time together, we have more consideration and respect for one another than we did when we were full of busy.

I believe they in return love me more as well.

I know, I know. Life isn’t over. We still have a couple months to go and trust me, in those months we will be soaking up every moment we can.

I just don’t want it to end. 

Just not yet.

Dad Says:

Yup. She cried.  It has been few and far between, but this was a doozy.  Recognition that we were going to wind up returning home hit hard.  It took a bit to get past the inevitable and realize that our future was still unwritten. That what we take from the trip will no doubt determine what we become in the future.

And then she cried again.

Jenn holds the value of being respectful to the core. Yet at the entrance to the Grand Palace she was rejected by some overbearing guard, who decided that she wasn’t properly covered in her overwhelmingly hot capris and would need to purchase a skirt and top to shroud herself in penitent fabric.  This, as others strode by in skirts and bare legs.

Oh well, off to a rather shrewdly located shop that sold just the thing.  And as you might expect with such a captive audience of cast-offs searching for coverage, big markups and rude service.  Can I try this on? NO. CASH ONLY.  Tears in eyes she emerged, and covered herself in a blouse that, for all intents  and purposes, is not the best look ever.  I mean ever.  But it got her passed the gate, and, wiping the tears away, we went on to sweat our bits off admiring Bangkok’s best.

And if we are being truthful, she cried one more time.

At the Grand Palace in Thailand, home of the Jade buddha and where the king is laid to rest. The ornate decoration took your breath away. It was awesome, some would say even overwhelming. For Jenn, who feels deeply in every moment, too overwhelming. For her, it was that beautiful.

Sure, a few small occasions of tears but in the end (as it always will), everything worked out fine. Just like us heading home. Whatever happens, it will all work out fine.

Just saying…